Dating and relationships are always on mind. When an interesting topic comes up, I just have to write down my musings. On this weeks edition, I look at how to find out if you genuinely like someone and what impact quarantine is having on dating.
How do you know if you genuinely like someone?
If you want to know if you genuinely like someone, understanding how you feel when you don’t spend time together is just as important as how you feel when you do.
The feelings of delight and happiness you have when you’re in their company may suggest you have romantic feelings for that person. But, it also may be feelings of lust or a cherished friendship growing. In some instances, the lines between these may blur, especially for genders you’re attracted to.
It’s the emotions you have when you’re apart that gives you a unique insight into your genuine feelings.
For an authentic romantic connection, these moments apart are decidedly different than when you’re together. Whereas the time spent together is one of elation, the time apart is frustrating. You may find yourself more stressed or irritable without exactly knowing why. A longing for someone can be simultaneously strong and hidden.
Try and catch yourself during those moments of irritability and ask yourself, why am I feeling like this? Ask yourself if something has happened during your day to make you feel like this or if there’s no clear reason? Think about that person, do those feelings of frustration wane or stay the same? Try organising some time to spend with that person, has the anticipation of seeing that person made your day better?
Missing someone is an important feeling. It’s noticeably different than feelings of lust over someone or a desire to be with a friend. This feeling of missing someone is equal parts horrible and wonderful. Horrible in that it almost hurts to be apart from them, but wonderful in the anticipation of joy you’ll feel when you’re together. Ask yourself if you’re feeling this way, it may be obvious, it may be deep-seated. Either way, if you catch yourself having those emotions, chances are you like that person romantically. Go get ‘em, tiger!
How has COVID-19 quarantine affected relationships?
There are a number of ways in which relationships have “slowed down” due to the COVID quarantine, the most common being an inability to spend time close to the other person.
For many couples, especially those in the early stages of the relationship, the speed at which they progress and become closer depends a great deal on how often they physically see each other. Texting and phone calls can push a relationship along, however traditionally it’s the number of face-to-face dates that determine a relationship’s speed.
The impact on couples obviously ranges, but for many, particularly new couples, it will inevitably alter any organic romantic growth. Video calls which have become extremely popular offer a means to bridge the gap, however many ways in which people in new relationships communicate with each – physically intimacy, nuanced body gesture and movements, distance – these all are damped or lost completely. This slows key parts of a relationship down, parts that are traditionally explored before progressing into a more mature relationship.
One of the more emotionally impactful elements of COVID-induced lockdown is fatigue. For many individuals the monotony of staying at home, limiting social contact, possibly not working or taking part in interests can be emotionally draining. That same fatigue can occur in relationships in quarantine – regardless of how compatible or strong the relationship is.
For many, dates over Zoom, texting, phone calls can become monotonous. It can be difficult to keep things exciting and varied. The inability to explore many other parts of a relationship, from certain shared interests, physical intimacy, socializing with others, makes things dull. This fatigue closely mirrors romantic disinterest in the other person, despite how different they may feel. Eventually the relationship can fizzle out through no fault of their own.
To progress a relationship under quarantine is difficult, starting a new one altogether is even more challenging. One way in which you can help keep your relationship moving is to acknowledge the absurdity of the situation.
This is far from traditional dating. For both yourself and your partner’s expectations, try not to pretend that things are normal. Acknowledge that this is not an ideal situation, that some of the excitement and passion that would’ve occurred isn’t likely to now but that you’re going to make the best of it.
If the ‘new normal’ dating isn’t working for you, don’t feel it’s an indictment on your relationship. For many couples, a Zoom video call goes little way in replicating the enjoyment of spending time together. If you both spend it quiet or awkward, it doesn’t mean your relationship won’t work, it just means that means of communication may not be for you.
Understand that many of the parts of how a relationship progresses are non-verbal. A slight touch on the hand, a glance that lasts a little too long. Given that those might not be possible, rely on more verbal means. During traditional dating, explaining to someone you’d like to hold their hand instead of naturally working up to it is a little weird. Under quarantine it’s a sufficient and slightly flirty way to get across you’re interested. Joke about what date you’d have your first kiss or talk more about how you’re enjoying their virtual company and are happy in the relationship. Focus on the ways you have to communicate rather than the ways you’ve lost out on